Vivo Somnio (vivosomnio) wrote,
Vivo Somnio
vivosomnio

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I only wish I were cool like you...

"Tap!"

I turn around, with a quizzical look on my face, to meet the gaze of what I can only stress is a "gangsta" wannabe.

His pants are around his ankles.

His coat looks like an oversized flotation device.

He hasn't quite figured out if he wants his hat facing forwards or backwards.

He slurs his speech in a weird voice pattern despite the fact that he's born and raised here, and this voice pattern seems to only afflict males between the ages of 13-22 or so, before they manage to somehow revert back.

He gimps when he walks. Probably suffered from a mild stroke, which is why his speech pattern is slurred. He will, however, have a miraculous recovery when he hits about 22 or so, as stated above.

He's watching a commercial, and suddenly says "Tap!", and then all his friends, watching the commercial in the same storefront window, start slapping fives, posturing in that "I'm a badass" way, and chuckling.



I can't help it, I need to know, so I wander over.


"Tap? What do you mean by that?"

"Aww man, you doan' know? Wha kind O' foo doan know dat? Tap means dat fine bitch is yo's to fuck, yo."

*blink, blink, blink*....*moment of silence*..."riiiiight." *turn, wander away*


Well shit.

Indeed, I must wonder to myself, what kind of fool doesn't know that when somebody says "tap" they are claiming their bitch.


Hmmm.



I fail to see what makes you as "badass" as you seem to think you are by being so sexually unfulfilled that you need to vocalize your sexual fantasies about a girl that isn't even near you, but is on the television. I fail to see how saying one word claims a female as yours. I mean, heck, I run outside and club them and then chain them to my wall, and they STILL manage to get away from time to time. Somehow, I don't think that one word is going to do it. Lastly, not only are you vocalizing your fantasy to be with a girl on the TV (thank god he didn't whip it out and start beating off), but you're speaking about her in a deragatory manner. Maybe I'm just not in the know, and females actually like that sort of thing, or maybe the successful girl on TV will have her bodygaurd Vito break your legs for "claiming her as your bitch", whatever the fuck that's all about...




Due to real life circumstances beyond my control, I have this thing with treating women with utmost care and respect. In fact, I'm far beyond that, and more into a pathetic level of worship. Probably, in actuality, to assauge my own guilt. Nevertheless, it has been a -LONG- time since I have been so mad that I couldn't see straight. It took a forcible amount of effort, and knowing that being outnumbered 12 to 1 wasn't in my favor, to not pull out his tongue and then give him a swift uppercut.
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