I don't understand why people are so uncomfortable with saying what they feel. Our emotions define us, why bottle them inside?
And lastlyI don't get why comments such as "why women are insane", which were directed towards a feminist lesbian who also happens to be a pretty good FRIEND of mine get some people so upset. Especially when the content of my complaint had no gender bias, save what the reader brings with him/her self. My complaint was about people worrying so much about looking uniformly beautiful that it's ALL they care about. If you believe that it's a jab at women, then that's your own perception placed upon my words. Your perception is not my perception. Your perception is not my words. I've seen more than enough Backstreet Boys look-a-likes to know that it transcends genders. What annoys me the most is that I have to explain that the "Why women are crazy" bit was a little joke jab at a friend of mine who KNEW it was in jest. I just don't get why I should have to explain that when the CONTENT is quite clearly not gender specific. It's a problem with both genders. That REALLY frustrated me.
I make snide remarks and silly quips. The content wasn't gender specific, in fact it was a subject which is blatantly problematic on BOTH spectrums. But people read a snide remark, and then bastardized the concept of my complaint to restrict it to that single comment. When the specific complaint is looked at though, the complaint that people care too much about looking uniformly beautiful, or at times just about being beautiful period even if not uniformly beautiful (this is the PRIME example of TERRIBLE sentence structure ladies and gentlemen) IT'S NOT GENDER SPECIFIC!!!
Yeah, I'm still a bit pissed off about that.
It's like how we got our current President. People bought the box because of the cool picture on the front, but didn't read the ingredients.
You know what else frustrates me? I'm tired of being there for every fucking person that ever needs my help, and often being the first person they'll come to even, but nobody ever being there for me. That pisses me off something awful. My greatest problem right now is that I care too much, because every time anything goes wrong for somebody else I go out of my fucking way for them. Every time. The kicker is, people don't give a damn. They're concerned with themselves, and as soon as their trouble is through they're gone. And then, when problems come again, who do they turn to? That'd be me. And you know what? Despite the fact that my existence is negligible between crisis A, and crisis B, I'll still be there for them because I can't help but fucking care.
I can't get away from others, or myself for that matter because everybody else is always around. I need to get SOMEWHERE, and stay there for a bit. With somebody that I rarely talk to. Anybody that I rarely talk to. Something new, something different. I tire of this. I want out. Not of life, I'm not talking suicide here or anything like that. Don't jump to conclusions. I just want out of here. Maybe off this planet, maybe not. Spend two or three months at sea. Go to Europe. Go to Africa. Go to Asia. Go to Australia. Bloody hell, I might as well go visit the Penguins. Go somewhere, or go nuts are my options I think. I need out. I'm getting tired of the fact that everywhere I turn, somebody is there. I need a refreshing face. A refreshing place. I need my alone time. Time where nobody else bothers me. I need almost a day to myself a week at the very least. I'm not getting it. I'm going insane. Some days I feel like I'm going to explode, and burn the fucking house or even the entire world to the ground. I can't think straight, and anybody that talks to me just pisses me off. Some days I feel like I'm going to implode. People start talking to me and I just want to curl up and cry. I need to go to the Rain Forest. I need to go swimming at midnight. I need the snow to stay so I can play. I need to sleep somewhere that isn't my home. I need to sleep somewhere that I'm not alone. I need to go swing on some swings. I need to go climb some trees. I need to paint my walls. To paint my furniture. I need to finish decorating my room. I need to win the lotto. I need to go to school. I need to fall off of a bridge, or out of a plane (with proper safety precautions of course, cause I do not need to die). I need my mother to come to the realization that if she would ask people and treat them with a little fucking respect instead of DEMAND everything, they might be more inclined to do it. I need to write some more, to help purge myself. I need to read some more to take me somewhere else, to show me a different world, to show me different viewpoints, to eradicate stagnance. I need to read all the books I've meant to read, see all the movies I've meant to see. I need to paint all the figurines that I've been meaning to paint. I need to thank the people I've been meaning to thank.
Thank you Devin, Kathleen, Nick, Autumn, Meghann, Mary, Luke, Roger, Jen, Citlali. At the very least each and every one of you that I've listed has inspired me. Some have flown with me, some have fallen with me. Some have dreamt of me, or I of them. A very small amount of you have even dreamt WITH me. Some of you have believed in me, and I've believed in you. All of you listen to me, and some of you have even heard me. I've got typical friendship relationships with some of you, and some crazy-strange relationships with others of you. I could give detailed information about everybody, but that's their business as much as it is mine, and it's not my place to decide if you should see that or not. So, for now, I simply say thank you.
And to the other side of the coin: Fuck you, you know who you are.