Vivo Somnio (vivosomnio) wrote,
Vivo Somnio

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It's very early in the morning.

Or perhaps late at night.

It all depends on your viewpoint.

I think I may go to California this September on a road-trip type thingy, because it'll be fun. Not that I drive, but I've got the perfect victim in mind. Did I say victim? I meant companion.

I bought a 50-ish year old Mortar and Pestle for $2.00 from the Salvation Army the other day. It's good sized. Not only that, it's made from Spanish Redwood and smells QUITE nice. I am so very pleased with it. So very pleased. Which, oddly enough, is something that I haven't been experiencing all that much lately. I'm growing rather tired of something, but I'm not sure what. No, that's not right. I'm just annoyed, is all. I want so much from so many different things, and have so much that I wish to do. Can you say drowning? I thought you could. Barriers to these things are NOT pleasant, and are not giving way easily. If you hear a clanging sound, that would be me chipping away. I'm a tenacious bastard, and I am sure that a renewed fervor will fall upon me and I will chisel madly for a while, before falling back to this state, and so on an so forth. I'm human. I'm cyclical, in a sense. This is the way of things. The variation on the cycles duration and the such different, but there will always be highs and lows. It's inevitable. This, of course, has made me suddenly decide that I will no longer prescribe to the idea of inevitability, and thereby escape from it's wicked clutch on my reality. I will define my world as I see fit, and if you don't like it...well....then you don't like it. What's the point? In a sense though, I like inevitability. Hmmmm. I'll have to think about this. I'll keep you updated on that front.

My mother sometimes looks at me and asks where she went wrong. Were she clear-sighted, she'd come to realize that 6 years of solitude and introspection is what sodomized her little boy. And of course I would not give it up for anything. I am, amongst other things, fucking brilliant. I also know who and where I am, and that is why I never fret about how other people perceive me. That being something which nobody understands of me. "Everybody" else cares about what other people think of them, why don't I? Cause I'm just that fucking spiffy. And because I know me, and accept all the faults and ugly truths therein. And this makes me neat. Those aren't the only reasons. Ignorant proclamations about me never bother me, because they are proclaimed in ignorance of the truth. Things about my looks don't bother me, because I am shaped like a box bone structure wise. Even were I at both optimum muscle and fat levels, I would look squat, like your clothes dresser. Shoulders far too wide for my height. I do not like how it looks, aesthetically speaking. What differentiates me is that I don't care about it. Or rather, I don't worry about it. It's how I look. I've got better things to do than fret about it.

I think I must have a small bladder. I've never noticed that I take any less time to urinate than anybody else, but I'll be damned if I don't do it 2 to 3 times as often. I sometimes wonder if men let even the small things like wether or not they have a small bladder. I'm sure that some do, and some don't. Weird things occur to me about peoples behaviors. I wonder how many brilliant musicians there are who you will never hear, because despite all of their practice and expertise, are scared to death of the stage and will never play for an audience? Does that still make them a brilliant musician? Or is it that we exist for ourselves but are defined by others? Maybe some do. Maybe some don't. I know that the way people define me is almost completely and unfailingly wrong, but I usually don't say much. I'm often rather apathetic as to how others see me. In memory I will only ever be what others think of me, but I have to wonder if that counts? In the end of course, nothing counts, nor will it ever. But, still, I like to ramblingly ponder things.

I have, of course, been away from LJ a bit lately. Just haven't been sitting down and typing at it. This, of course, is to be blamed on other LJers, who take all my time by chatting with me instead of letting me write in here. =P

My last thought for the night will be that I feel that nobody will ever understand my motives for questioning. I will always be an introspective person. Always. It's how I developed. I'll look at things, and I will not relate to or understand them. So, of course, I find people that feel differently and ask them why's. I will no doubt argue with them, because I enjoy arguing. An, also, maybe it will open up a new avenue of thought for either me or the other person. I enjoy arguing because it gets the other person to think. If there's one thing that people need to do more often it's think. Quit swallowing the blind drudgery you are fed day in and day out as fact and find the truth. Truth, it seems, is often hidden. Desert Storm for instance. The truth you were told was that the invasion of Kuwait was unprovoked. The actual happening was that Kuwait was taking their oil drills, and then drilling diagonally under the border and stealing Iraqi Oil. Do you think that WE wouldn't have slapped Canada had they been cross drilling into Alaska? But, I of course feel that the way Iraq handled it was wrong, and they got what they deserved. The point, however, is that the words you hear in history class and swallow as fact about the happenings of the past, you shouldn't be swallowing. You should be thinking. At any rate, I ask questions of others to relate them to myself for more introspection. It's frustrating when a question encounters a "how dare you question my lifestyle". This hasn't happened recently, but it still happens too often for my liking. Your lifestyle is not so important that I worry about it, so don't flatter yourself. I question the way you feel in order to better understand how I feel. I must admit that I also turn it around to better understand how you feel, but the point is that I'm not attacking your lifestyle. You will do what you want, and that will be that. My questions are for understanding. Not condescension, no matter what appearances may lead you to believe.

I think I should probably stop rambling now.

I need to fix my flaming sleeping habits. School is approaching, and I hold high hopes of meeting SOMEBODY who both purports AND has the drive to meet me, AND the location necessary for such a venture.

I run away now.

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