On your way home stop at a pharmacy and go to the thermometer section.
You will need to purchase a rectal thermometer made by Q-tip. Be sure to get this brand.
When you get home, lock your doors, draw the blinds and disconnect the phone so you won't be disturbed during your therapy. Change into comfortable clothing, such as sweats and lie down on your bed. Open the package and remove your thermometer. Carefully place it on the bedside table so it won't get chipped or broken. Remove the written material that comes with the thermometer and read it.
You will notice in small print the following statement: "Every rectal thermometer made by Q-tip is personally tested."
Now, close your eyes and repeat out loud 5 times, "I am so glad I do not work in quality control at the Q-tip company."